Monday, October 17, 2011

It feels good to be back.

This is going to be a long one.

I know it has been quite some time(literally one month) that I haven't blogged. A lot has been going on and honestly, I just didn't have the motivation to blog because I was so tired. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I knew that if I did blog, it would not be anything resourceful, helpful, or worthwhile. If we're friends on Facebook, I've been active there. Too hard to get away from that damn site because it's really the best way to keep in touch with my family and friends from out of state.

So, what caused me to be so exhausted?

Life happening.

Yep.

The majority of me being away was my slight way of grieving. My ex boyfriend, who I still kept in contact with, passed away on September 17th 2011. We had been broken up since the end of 2009, but we were together for a long while. He was my first love. The skater boy that stole my heart and taught me how to love. We were best friends and pretty much grew up together during that time. We definitely had our amazing ups and terrible downs. Though we were no longer together, we still remained good to one another. I will have to admit that knowing him was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. If I could do it all over again though, I would. No regrets. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I know he would agree with me as well. It has only been about a month since this tragic news, but as the days have gone by, I have been able to come to a peace that he is happy for me and that is all that matters between him and I.


I know one person has several relationships. Be it their mom, siblings, past relationships, and what not. Here, I am only referring to my personal relationship because I believe that is the only right I have to talk about or to share. I don't know if I will ever be able to recover from the fact of him not being here anymore, but I have been able to get back on track with my life. It's still here. I still exist. And, I know that he wouldn't want me to waste a single second. I hope he knows how thankful I am of how he taught me to be passionate about life, to appreciate the little things, and to really love what I love.

This is me. Right now.

School is going great. I just passed my second exam this semester with an A. High five for that! Work is going much better too. I officially moved back into the office at the end of September and I am so much happier to be around the office environment. I traded no more jammies for more smiling faces. I think I got the better end of the deal there. I also applied for another position at work and I GOT IT! Three cheers for that too. A lot of good things have been happening and I believe that they would have happened anyway(not to sound cocky), but I wouldn't have appreciated it as much if I was not exhausted with so many feelings.

I am blessed.

I have one very important thing that I would like to pinpoint though and I'm sure a lot of people wonder already. How is Z taking all of this? The answer? Z is an amazing person. Always has been & I'm sure he always will be. So, he has been wonderful to me during this time of course. If I were to be placed in his position, I wonder if I would be able to handle the situation as well? It is because of Z that I have been able to grieve openly without any judgement, jealousy, or negativity from him. I can only imagine how hard it was for him to see me pretty much relive all of my memories out in the open. I love him so much more and can't even begin to describe how much this has brought us closer together.

I am SUPER blessed.

Thank you so much to those that have asked where I was or wondered. I really missed blogging and am so glad to be up and running again. Seriously, the past month of no blogging has left me feeling like I was missing something. It was YOU GUYS! Y'all have no idea how big of a part each and every one of you are in my life. Here is a super internet HUG and I hope that at the end of each day, you feel just as blessed too.

4 comments:

Take a peek... said...

Welcome back! I'm sorry for your loss. If my first love (whom I wish nothing but the best for) passed away I would be devastated too. Congrats on the new job position and for the school grades!

Jess Craig said...

oh, the loss of your friend is terrible. definitely a horrible thing. i'm glad you have z there to get you through it. he sounds like such a patient and wonderful guy.

Cherry Red Studio said...

glad youre back!!!!

Cherry Red Studio said...

and im sorry you've been going through so much! hugs

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